Saturday, January 17, 2009

Wishing..

I know now what I really really want for my birthday..


I want to be always healthy and normal.


I do not want to be so vulnerable and always sick. =(


I sick all the time. Since I was still a little girl. And I dunno why.


I always feel like I'm gonna die very verry soon. =(

I'm very weak, you know. And I always feel like I'm gonna die at the age so young! Oh God..please let me live longer! I wanna have babies and kids like Ayra and Hariz! And I wanna see my kids going to schools and later get married and have babies too!


I know I'm not supposed to think about my illnesses and to always think about happiness.. but I just can't help it la.. I mean, how can I think positively when that thing always strikes?

Every other day I must have at least one condition of abnormal functioning. Sakit perut la, sakit dada la, pening kepala, nak pitam la, sakit mata, sakit buah pinggang la, sakit jantung, sakit kulit la, takleh nafas la, takleh tido la, luka sana sini la...terjatuh la, terlanggar orang/benda la...etc. etc. Ada aje benda yang nak jadi.. haihh.. =(

Dear God, please let me live longer. I know, the doctors said I'm normal. Nothing's wrong with my body except for the minor things la. But somehow I just feel so damn abnormal. Normal people don't always feel so weak, do they?
Oh.. what's wrong with my body??! I'm still young, but yet my body shows signals like I am an old lady.. =(

Maybe I do seem normal. Tapi kat dalam, sape tahu? And because of this (selalu sakit), I always feel so insecure with people. Because usually people always say something like menyusahkan la, and whatsoever towards me. Sebab bila saya sakit, mereka malas nak layan. Sebab terlalu selalu sangat kot. Orang pun bosan. Tapi takpe lah. Nazirah ada. Dia sorang je yang paham. Yang lain2, selalu marah atau menyampah atau buat tak tahu ataupun gelakkan saya bila jantung saya sakit..

Saya tak mintak belas kasihan la. Tapi saya mintak faham condition saya je. Bukan sindiran atau nak marah atau apa2 sekali pun yang menyedihkan saya. =(
haih... tak tau la.




Honey, please bear with me...

=(





Wani.

9 comments :

  1. assalamualaikum... wani, hangin there. from your picture, i can tell you are far stronger than you think you are. you can do it wani, have a happy family and babies and a great life ahead. always have faith and you'll be fine insya allah.

    just to let you know, there's a saying, and da saying goes sumthg like dis "if you feel da pain, thanks to god, dats mean you are still alive" meaning pain will remind you dat you are still breathing and Allah still give us plenty of room for us to achieve our goal in life.

    pergh, dah pjg x ingt. i know i didnt personally know you and vice versa, but i pray dat you'll be fine and better. dnt worry to much, but if you do, just breath in and out and say many2 zikrullah as possible ok? you can do it wani, aja aja fighting!!!

    assalamualaikum and take good care =)

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  2. First of all Happy Birthday Sweetie.. Semoga sihat selalu.

    Trylah jumpa nutrionist and ask for the right supplement to take.. Maybe u penat due to active lifestyle or mentally tired but nothing wrong with your health.. Take care!

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  3. hi wani, u slalu rase sakit ke? tak tau plak. tp bukan u sarong saje lah, i pun kadang2 sama. org pun akan nyampah gak. sabar je lah ek. huhuhu..

    happy belated 21st birthday, girl.

    oh my, i tot ure older than me. rupenye kita sebaya. tp i tua beberapa gak dari u, i lahir 4th january.

    ngahahahaha..

    pappai yo !

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  4. hi wani....ada hikmahnya u sakit2 tu..Allah syg kat u tu ...btw, happy belated birthday dear...hope all ur wish n dream will come true...

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  5. zanaputrajaya18/1/09 7:48 PM

    wani,akak tau apa wani rasa sebab akak pun macam-macam sakit,kadang-kadang malas nak cakap apa yang kita sakit sebab takut orang muak nak dengar nasib baik hubby akak paham(mak mertua perli muda-muda macam macam sakit akak buat muka sadin je)

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  6. em saya pun mcm awak..nape ek dgn kita..huhuhu..bdn nmpk cam muda..tp dlmn..sll sgt mc..bukan sengaja tp tak sengaja..sakit..

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  7. Have you ever considered that you may have Munchausen Syndrome?

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  8. hey u made me worried...

    what's wrong :( are u really having some kind of...ailment... or...

    pls dun say things like this yeah.. i don't want u to be sick and i dun want u to go so early...

    i hope God will bless u with long life and a healthy body too.. T____T

    pls take care of yourself...

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  9. Dear Wani, firstly akak nak wish..happy belated birthday!

    Actually, all the diseases is in ur mind. U're not sick, ur mind create it and ur body react. Akak cakap berdasarkan pengalaman. I have this 'panic attack' probem..i think since 2006. kalau sakit dada sikit, akak dah suspect sakit jantung. Batuk sikit, i suspect lung infections, headache sket, i think it tumor..etc..so, my life become miserable. Sentiasa takut..nak keluar, takut pengsan depan org ramai..infact..it NEVER happen pun..and the worst thing, i banyak kali rush masuk ER. *Sigh*

    Now, dah better. But sometimes..my heart will beat so rapid without reason. I've met the best cardiologist..and he said..it's nothing. But i feel the pain, and the shortness of breath.

    So, my advice..please enjoy ur life and dont let ur 'sick' mind control urself. Bila dah jadi disorder..u'll become like me. Trust me..u're fine..if u need someone to talk with..u can talk with me :) i understand ur situation because i have similar condition. All u need is support!!

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