Sunday, May 15, 2011

Lovers, Which Stage Are You? This, :) Or this :(

Every relationship goes through stages. Where and how each stage develops is ultimately up to each person. While we always hope for the best, we often can't avoid the inevitable.

The most unfortunate fact about a relationship that doesn't work out, is the inevitable path both parties are on to become strangers. Many relationships follow a general path, through a set of different stages, one that brings two strangers together, takes them through a period of deep emotions and meaningful experiences, then returns them to where they began :'(

Josh and Marissa are at a crossroads and their future is uncertain. In this video, Josh guides us through each stage of the relationship as it formed and as he predicts it will end up as.. 

Yes, this video really hit me right at the center of my soul, which is why I am sharing it with you... Cuz every time I watched this video, it brought me to tears.. Sob sob.... It's so sad and so true and so deep. Some words really really touched my heart! Oh, how I wish all the lovers in the world could just stay at Stage 3!  :'(

Well.. This is the "typical" relationship stages...  In the film, Josh enumerates the 7 stages in his relationship with Marissa, starting from the moment they met in the park for the first time, up until the end of their relationship where they became strangers, again. So, what are these stages? Are they really the stages we can find when we go into a relationship? 

In the film, Josh enumerates the 7 stages in his relationship with Marissa, starting from the moment they met in the park for the first time, up until the end of their relationship where they became strangers, again. So, what are these stages? Are they really the stages we can find when we go into a relationship?

Stage 1: Meeting
This is the time where Josh first met Marissa in the park, and he went all the way trying to impress her. In the end, even though he was dead tired, it paid off because he got her number and made a good impression. This is the beginning, of what they believe is a beautiful relationship.

"It's so pathetic how guys would do, just about anything for the right girl" - Josh

Stage 2: The Chase
Josh says that this is arguably the best part. This is the stage where you try your best to get to know the other person, doing almost everything with one another. This is where two people become so blinded by their love for each other, that all they see is how great the other person is, and how lucky they are to have found this person. When everything turns out right, eventually, you'll reach the next stage.

"All I wanted to do was hang out with her... The only person I wanted to talk to, was her... She was the number one priority. She was everything that I thought could be perfect in a girl." - Josh

Stage 3: The Honeymoon
This is the stage where the two are officially a couple. This is the time where they could do everything to show their love for each other. This is the time where you would really get to know the person you love, knowing every detail of his/her day-to-day life and finally understanding who he/she is. However, all this would eventually simmer down, back to "normalcy". Which takes us to stage 4.

"It was the time when we could finally, fully express our affection to each other and do everything we wanted to do as a couple. It was a dream come true, the girl I wanted so, so badly was finally mine." - Josh

Stage 4: Comfortable
This is the most important part of the relationship because this is where each person can truly be themselves around one another. I consider this is the 'turning point' in a relationship, and it can either go two ways. The relationship could continue to grow, and they could live happily ever after, or it goes downhill, as you begin to take each other for granted. The movie doesn't explain what would happen if the relationship would continue to grow, it focused on how Josh and Marissa drifted apart. If this happens, it takes us to the next stage.

"Being comfortable isn't necessarily bad, its when we can truly be ourselves. But it depends on what you do with that comfort. Some use it positively, continuing to work at their relationship, and grow together. But others allow it to create distance." - Josh

"The bottom line is, someone stops trying and feelings aren't as strong as before" - Josh

Stage 5: Tolerance
This is the stage where it's gonna be very difficult to turn around, if not impossible. This is when the two people would constantly fight as a couple almost every single day, usually about the little, petty things. However, all these small fights would continue on, and the distance between you grows with it. This is when you just can't stand the other person anymore, and the two of you break further apart. The next stage is close to inevitable from here on.

"When Marissa and I got to this stage, I couldn't believe it and I was pretty disappointed. Somehow, the girl I was so crazy about a year ago, had turned into someone who just wasn't that special anymore. It happened so gradually that I didn't even see it coming, but there we were, just tolerating each other." - Josh

"Arguing is one thing, but feeling unhappy and dissatisfied with the relationship is another. We tried various times, to try and make changes, to fix things, but like so many couples out there, it wasn't enough. We became one of those relationships where it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great. And let me tell you, that's never a good way to describe a relationship." - Josh

Stage 6: Downhill
In this stage, problems just continue and arguments never get solved. But the two of you wouldn't even remember what it is you were fighting about. This is a very short stage because the transition from stage 6 to 7 happens very quickly. This is when, the relationship just seems so bad, that you couldn't see anything good out of relationship anymore. You're only choice is to break up.

"There's not much time left once you're here.  The effort to try to make things work, just isn't worth it anymore. Problems continue.. arguments don't get solved...
I  dont really remember what we argue about... Sigh.... What did we argue about?" - Josh

Stage 7: Breaking up
The end of the line. This is when the two of you believe that it's for the best if you break up. You talk about it, and you both mutually agree that you shouldn't be together anymore. Sometimes, the two of you can still be friends, but it's not usually this way, because most of the time, the two of you would become strangers, again. Eventually, moving on is the only way and things between you two will never be the same.

"I think it's for the best." - Marissa

"This is when the two of us will start a new path, right back to where we started, strangers. Our lives will continue wanting different directions.. becoming strangers again. and everything we share will just become fragmented memories. From so long ago i'll questions if it even really happened. And all that will be left... Just this... A box of random stuff from a faded period of time when this stranger was the most important person in my life... Sigh. What a shame." - Josh

"Marissa: Do you realize..there's only two options for our future together? It's either we break up..or we get married...?
Josh: Never really thought of that. 
Marissa: You think we get married? 
Josh: Geez.. that's a lil' weird question... Why? You wanna get married to me? 
Marissa: I don't know right now.. 
Josh: me neither.. 
Marissa: do u wanna break up with me? 
Josh: Of course not..
Marissa: Well..its gonna be one or the other. What do you think will happen if we don't end up together? We gonna hate each other? You think we'll keep in touch?
Josh: I think, that if life separates us n we end up in totally different places.. I'll always remember when I passed the line for this period of time..and i'll be thankful for that  and I hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. And I think thats the best we can wish for..."

-the end-

All of these are the stages of a relationship going downhill as described by Josh. In the long run, there are only two alternatives, it's either you get married or you break up. That is why being in a relationship, being with someone you truly cherish, is quite dangerous. Because the risk of losing the other person is HUGE.

Some say that the best things in the world are those in which you are willing to risk a whole lot, in order to obtain. The question now is...

Are you willing to risk it?




  1. Mine? After 7+ years of relationship with my bf, it's still Honeymoon & Comfortable :)

  2. hi wani. im sharing this in my blog ya. i asked my bf to watch this and he said we're in stage 4:comfortable.

    thanks for posting this vids. we're almost getting into tolerance which is fighting a lot. with this, we talked and decide to take the comfort positively and work on it so we wont go downhill.

    anyway, great post!

  3. oh my! it is sooo true! can i share this too???sobs..sobs...sobs...eheheh and alhamdulillah, im married but is still true..huhuhuhuhu

  4. thanx for this post wanie.i just had a bad broke up and i can relate to every really happened to u know and its sad :(
    its sad cos we're now strangers a complete stranger to more calls, smses and seriously it hurts so bad
    but i know dat phase will pass and i'll eventually meet someone new again n i just pray dat it'll lead me to a better is about risk like u just said but we never know until we try :)

  5. sis...thanx for this post..i did watch this b4 but don't really understand..and u explain it bf and i is now in stage 5..sounds bad but wahtever it is have to be positive..cheers:)

  6. sis, i'm sharing this in blog okay? full credit to you and the maker of the video! thanks x10000000000000000000000000000000000000 (to infinity) :)


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