The First Date

I think I haven’t really talked about how me and my husband met, have I? Well, it wasn't really a romantic story, but it is something that I could not forget - How fate and destiny has brought us together. And how true the words, "if it's meant to be, it will find it's way" are. When I think about how me and my husband met, and how I had to go through a lot of obstacles before finding him (which was just right in front of me, all these years!), I could cry...thinking how great God is, and His plans! :)

The Ring

Last week we went to browse for our wedding rings in KLCC.  We went to a few jewelry stores, learning about some diamonds and golds stuff.. By the time we were in the third store, my fiancé's already got bored hearing me asking about the color, clarity, cut, etc to the jeweler... When asked about the design, he would reply, "they all looked the same to me my dear. Just pick any one you like, so I can pay and we can go home fast.."

-_______-'

Sigh. Like any normal man, he gets bored really fast when he's in the shopping malls. Such a typical man he is! Ishhh. Okay fine...maybe because I'm too picky when it comes to all these wedding stuff. I mean I'm deciding for a thing that I want to like 10, 20, 30 years down the road! Heheheh. So of course I gotta pick the right one! Right? ;p

(Although...I know, being a fickle minded person that I am, I may change my mind 5-8 years later. LOL ;p)

So with an excited tone I said, "Really? Anyyyyyyyy one??! Are you sure?"

"Yeah. But within my budget la, of course. You already told me the normal price range for rings right.  So I have given you the freedom to choose. So go ahead and make it fast. I feel so sleepy alreadyyy.."

So to make him less bored or should I say sleepy, I said to him, "Ok lah ok lah, come let's go see your ring pulak. At least...you won't be as bored"

With a blur face he replied, "Huh? I need a ring?"

"What? You mean you don't want a ring or...you don't know that men do wear rings too, on their wedding day???? 
Oh my God, please don't tell me that you don't know!?! Goddddd...not again! Another "lesson" to tell you ke nih...adoi. Kelakar lah dia niiiiii. What did you learn in school laaaa? Ishh. 
So what did you do when your brother or your friends got married last time? You were there right, to witness it?? Tak kan tak perasan the exchanging rings part langsung????" 

"Oh. Ada eh? Tak perasan la! hahahah. Well I'm not like you, miss. Noticing every single damn thing in front of you. Even in TV also you nampak aje benda-benda mengarut. I'm a guy. I don't care all those things. haha. I mean, I thought all these nikah ring, tunang ring, merisik ring, promise ring, onion ring, etc etc...are all for the girl's side je? I thought we guys are supposed to be very simple and cool and practical? No rings no gelang no rantai no keychain no whatever stuff that are on your 100-page list tu...? Even my dad didn't wear any ring pun? Kena pakai ke? I mean is it required in our religion?"

"My dad also didn't wear any ring. It's not a compulsory thing la...but our Rasullullah pakai cincin jugak apa. I mean, bukan lah "kena pakai". But oh well... These days the men do wear it also la.. We exchange it, as a symbol of marriage. 
Oh God...how come you didn't know all these?! I thought your friend ada yang dah kawen and you did attend their wedding?? Funny lah you ni! Mesti memang tak pernah je nak focus when it comes to weddings, romantic stuff kannn? Ishhh you niiiii. Sabar je lah. Nak emo lah macam ni.. I can see that you will forget our anniversary, my birthday, our kids' birthdays and so on... " 

"Alaa...gimme a break la. I'm not like you. I don't watch romantic movies. I'm a guy. I watch funny stuff. So I don't know much about weddings, but it doesn't mean I don't love you. At least you know that I have never been married to anyone before, right? Heheheh. Your birthday, anniversaries semua-semua tu lain laaaa. That one I know I would remember them, cuz by that time..we'd stay together and being you, you would conteng all my diaries and calendar to remind me each year. hahahahah. 
Anyways, all those things didn't really matter whether or not I'm aware of them...cuz for all I know is that I will try to give the best for you and give you whatever you say you want even if it does not make any sense to me. Just as long as you're happy. Ok?"

"Pffft. Pandai la awak tu nak cover ayat bagi I cair. Huh. It doesn't work this time, ok? heheh. Wait, so.....do you still want a ring, honeyyy? 
Jimat duit I, if you don't want it! hehehehe"

"Up to you sayang. You wanna buy, you buy. You don't wanna buy also can. You know I'm fine with anyyyy thing right? I'm a simple guy, you know that. To me ring is just a ring, honey. It doesn't mean anything. The most important thing is the"Kad Nikah", now that's a valuable ANDDDD THE SYMBOL of our marriage. Heheheh. Lepas ni I can bring you anywhere I like, with that card! Now that's MORE valuable to me!! haha"

-_________-'

"That's a freaking DOCUMENT. Not a "symbol", genius! Pfffft." 

"Oh. Sorry. I'm a practical man. For me it's kinda like the same. hahaha. Anyway have you picked any ring that you like? You should go with your sister. She knows what to pick. You ni...banyak sangat benda nak. Susah sangat nak pilih. I can see that we will argue on our first couch when we want to purchase it. haha"

"No we won't. That's different. That's our couch. This is MY ring, ok? So of course laaa, I want it to be perfect! Like how I picked you! heheheheh"

"Rrrrright." 

The sales assistant explaining each design, cut, color, etc to us and how long to book the ring, etc..

"Oh God sayanggg. Please, no more pictures. Dah la I tengah busuk. No no. Stop it."

Hehehe. That's why I love him! He's such a man! A funny, clueless man that is! hehee. Anyway, I got a diamond book from one of the stores we visited that day, explaining all the details about diamonds and rings.. So this week I will try to master it and hopefully by next week I can make up my mind! ;p

Anyone knows when is the next Habib sale? Gotta check out their diamonds jugak later!



XOXO,
Shazzy.

The Steps

I think most (typical) men don't really know how a wedding would be like. What are the customs, the steps/stages or the traditions like... Especially when the Malays' wedding are quite steeped in age-old tradition with all the steps, rules, customs/traditions and what not. Well, like most men in Malaysia, or maybe in this world...my man is no exception. He is the typical, clueless man who doesn't really know anything about a wedding except for saying those 3 words, "Aku terima nikahnya...... blablabla", because apparently, that is the ultimate role on his part, when it comes to weddings, or so he thought.

-_____________-

Pffft. I didn't know about this until recently when we decided to get married. I mean I thought he'd have some tiny bit of ideas about a wedding (so my work would be easier?) since he is the last one in his family to get married - he got 2 elder brothers who already married, and a sister who is on her way to tie the knot as well, for God's sake? Hence, I really thought he would have some ideas installed in his head of what a wedding would be like, other than knowing only those lines! haha. But boy..I was wrong. My man have zero knowledge on weddings apparently...that has led us to some misunderstandings last time. (Already solved everything, by the way! Thank God! haha) Yes we fought few months back when we were just starting to plan to get married... However, the fight/argument that we had turn out to be SO funny now when I think about it! xD I really didn't know the man that I thought who were so "manly"...could turn out to be a "Groomzilla"??! Hahahah. Thaaat never occur to my wildest imagination! (Will get to that groomzilla part later. teehee. P/s: I love you baby! LOL ;p). He didn't even know what "Merisik" actually is! And I guess if it wasn't because of some of his friends who were already engaged last time, I think he wouldn't even know what "Bertunang" really is for! hehehe. Sabar je lah akuuuu...huhu.

Well, what to do. I'm marrying a super-straight, practical man, who never really bother about weddings like I do! He always say this to me, "......the most important thing is God made me found you, and I love you very much. I don't care about weddings. I care about you and our marriage/future". (Awwww! I love you too, darling. But I know you're just coating your words with sugar and caramel, to cover your unmachoness for not knowing anything about a wedding, right? haha. So yeah, I still want a nice dress for my wedding! ;p)

Anyway...I love watching The Notebook kind of movies, while he fancies a movie that has something to do with Batman or Spiderman or Superman or even Cicakman or maybe..Transformers or whatever movies that involved guns, blood, and some wrestlings. - So yeah, like most men on this planet, he didn't give a damn about what color matches with what...or what theme would be perfect for a certain event..or what's the difference between peonies and ranunculus flowers or whatever it is that has to do with weddings! Plus, he only have 2 or 3 of his close friends who just got married...and men being men, they don't really talk about weddings among them. They'd be like "Oh, that's so gayyyy". And the only thing that would pop in their mind to talk with each other regarding a "wedding", would be about the first night. Pffffffffftttt. And later, the ones who would be stressing out lebih-lebih to explain each and every details of the event to them then, would be us girls!  (Read: me) Sigh. Men are so........ ignorant, huh? Heeesh.

Hmmm.... Or maybe, it's us, the girls who are so perfectionist, that we, (or should I blame the older generations?) needed to create and have all the customs and traditions and steps for a wedding, when it could be really really simple with that 3 words to sign the contract? haha. More or less laa. But don't you think, it's us who made the wedding jobs to be tedious with all that dresses/gowns, veil or no veil, tiara or no tiara, 100 different kinds of flowers, door gifts, cards, videographers, photographers, photo booths, flower girls, 3-tier cakes, 6-tier cakes, 18-tier cakes, wall drapes, white carpet, red carpet, western menu, eastern menu, kampung menu, and the list goes on and on! LOL :p (Remember that part in SATC The Movie, when Mr. Big got really stressed out when Carrie has planned a lot for their wedding when he just want a simple one?! Yes, guys are typically like that. It's the girls who likes to complicate things, I suppose! haha. - Sorry guys, can't help it laaa...it's in our genes! We just love doing things that would menyusahkan diri sendiri! And we don't even know why! hahaha ;p )

So anyways, I explained to him...what are the steps in our Malay weddings, and why this and that. I remembered, he bombarded me with lotsa questions more than a 5 year old kid would! hehe. Comel, but annoying! hahahah

"So...what's the difference between Merisik and Bertunang?" 

"How long should we get engaged? Is there a specific timeline that is set by the traditions or something?"  

"What's the real meaning behind Merisik? Why do we need to do it?" 

"So if I propose to you, do we still need to do the Majlis Bertunang?"  

"What's the difference between a Reception, Bertandang and Bersanding lah?"  

"Is there any separate Majlis for the Bertunang or Akad, like for girl side and guy side thing.. just like the reception?"  

"Do I need to bring anything to the Merisik thingy?"  

"How many events all together? Who would bear the cost?"  

"How many rings should I prepare for you?"  

"How many Hantaran?"  

"What's a sirih for lah??"  

"And what's the difference between Mas Kahwin and Wang Hantaran? To whom I should give it? You or your parents? Does it really have to be in a money form? Can I just give you my heart and my love?" - Rrrightttt. -____-'

And a wholeeeeeeee lot more questions!! haha. Comel pun ye, annoying pon ye jugak. Banyak sangat tak tahu! LOL. Oh God, somebody really needs to write a book called, "The Malay Weddings For Dummies" to explain eveeerrryyyy bit of weddings to these type of guys! hahaha. So I explained to him, from A to Z. And now, I'm sharing it with you guys. So listen up you clueless guys out there! :)

First we got the Adat Merisik, which is the "getting to know you better" stage. The Adat Merisik is actually a ‘seeking ceremony’ or ‘spying custom’. This traditional Malay system is crucial for arranging marriages. When a man is finally ready to settle down with the girl of his dreams (or in some cases his parents will find a suitable potential bride for him), his family will carry out the responsibility of seeking out information about that particular woman. During this stage, one or more representatives from the man’s family will pay a visit to the woman’s family. The merisik is not considered a formal proposal yet, and there may or may not be further arrangement of marriage. It all depends on both sides of the family. For me, the Adat Merisik is more like to familiarize and get to know who/what/which/how is the family of both sides, and gain the relationship/friendship between them.

Then comes the Majlis Bertunang, a.k.a The Engagement between the two lovebirds. This is where we consider it as a formal proposal - When a marriage plan is being agreed by both parties, an engagement date will be set. The engagement custom is usually held at the bride’s home. But these days, a lot of people have started to host it outside. The Majlis Bertunang/Engagement is being done as a symbol that the future groom and bride have already been reserved, and will get married soon, God-willing.

Then the next step would be the Majlis Akad Nikah, where the real and actual wedding day would be held. Akad nikah is usually conducted at a mosque or at the bride's home although these days, a lot of brides have chosen to do it at a hotel or banquet hall or something. Akad Nikah is the moment when the wedding is being legalized in a religious manner, while bersanding is a family celebration, after the akad nikah. So during the event, the groom will sign the marriage contract and provide his bride with a Mas Kahwin/Mahar (some kind of a payment in the form of money, gold or any other thing as requested by the bride).

Then would be the Bersanding ceremony, where the wedded couple would celebrate their wedding day with their guests. - Bersanding can be celebrated in a traditional way or modern way. After bersanding at the bride's side, then there'll be a Majlis Bertandang at the groom side pulak. To make it simple, both event  (Bersanding at bride side/ Bertandang at groom side) are simply called "the reception" in english! hehee


So after explaining something like the above loooong story, I said to him... "So if you count all the events/ceremonies that I just mentioned, there are 5 stages all together, or in our case..it'll be a little bit more. And guess what? The first 4 stages of the ceremonies, which is the Merisik, Bertunang, Akad Nikah and Bersanding, would all be covered by the girl's family normally. The guy only gonna bear the cost for his Majlis Bertandang, which is the last step. As for the other 4 majlis, you and your family, would only come as a "guest", not as a host. So because the girl's side is going to pick up the cheque more for the caterer, for the venue, for the dress, for the photographers, etc etc , thus you gonna have to be such a sweetie and let me have it my way! hahaha. Oh, and you definitely should love me more and moreeeeee for the rest of your life...and also, you gonna let me have my dress, and this shoes, and my this, and my that! hahaha. Okayyy, darlin?? ;p"

He replied, "Ok sweetie. You can have that shoes, just as long as you don't ask me to plan our wedding. I still don't know anything after what you explained. Cuz it's kinda hard to process in my head right now with all the weird rules and regulations and whatnot. I just wanna get married to you so I can concentrate on my work more after this. Can you continue later? I gotta go now, my work is more important than our wedding. Cuz if I don't do my work, I can't get married with the love of my life now.. alright? Let me know what have you planned for us later, ok honey? And show me your shoes. I wanna see and try to understand what's so special that you can't sleep thinking about it last night. Ok, bye sayang"

-_____________-

MEN.

Penat explain panjang lebar...they don't really listen, do they, when it comes to flowers, cards, handbags, shoes, dresses, cakes, pelamin, hantaran, etc?? Fineeeeee. "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus", huh? I will try to accept that during this whole wedding preparations, and redha that men don't really give a damn about weddings, and that I have to do this alone and on my own, and trust my own opinions. Oh, sad. Okthanksbye.





XOXO,
Girly girl who is in love with her straight, clueless, but sweetie man.

Yellow Mellow

One fine day at a bazaar that sells scarves.... Me and my best friend, Zeam just had lunch and just before going back to the parking lot, we walked past a few shops that sell scarves.

Me: Oh hey! There's a yellow scarf over there! Great! Come, let's go see!

Zeam: Erm.... Aren't you wearing a yellow scarf right now....? (saying it with a face that says "you-don't need-it, girrrrllll")

Me: Errr....yeah. But this is a different kind of yellow! Look, it's verrrry different!

Zeam: It still looked yellow to me? (saying it with a blur face)

Me: Umm....well.. You see, the one that I'm wearing is a Sunshine Yellow ok... And that one right there on the rack, is more like a.....Tangerine Yellow, maybe? It's one tone lighter, I think.. Hmm, let me just see for awhile......

Zeam: A tange-...what??

Me: It's called Tangerine Yelll...-Oh, never mind. It's basically a different yellow than the yellow that I have right now. Cuz different tone and shades give me different effects on my outfit. So I definitely need this! 

Zeam: No you don't. 

Me: Yes I do! Excuse me, how much is this?

Salesgirl: RM 10 

Me: Oh great! 10 bucks, je! Ok, I take this one right here....and that one...

Zeam: Pfffft. Only ten bucks, but that doesn't mean you gotta take 10 different colors of them, do you? Put it back Wani. You don't need all these -___-'

Me: Umm... Okayyyyy. How bout 8..cuz I'm not so sure on this pink and that blue though...

Zeam: No, take only one. With 10 bucks I could fill up the car fuel and send you back home safely...

Me: How bout five? One for each day of the week?! Plus, I really don't have this Olive Green, and this Tangerine Yellow and that Cherry Red color...and also my white scarf went missing the other day, ok! So I realllly need them!

Zeam: Pfffft. Women. So many reasons, for so many unnecessary expenses. Suka hati lah Cik Wani. Don't say I didn't remind you not to go crazy here, ok. Dah, go pay now..I'll go pay the parking ticket. Be quick. And don't go look around anymore.. You really don't need another Tangerine Purple or Tangerine Black scarf or whatever!

Me: Ok byeee...Go noww! Shussshh! *paid the scarves and lived happily ever after!* 

Haha. Men. They will never understand the different shades of colors, do they?? ;p

Look!

They're verrrry different, ok?! Right girls? ;p

You never know...one tone lighter or darker, could change a girl's life when they're searching for that perfect shade to match things on their outfit of the day! Kan?? Err...so who's with me?! hahah ;p

XOXO,

Shazzy.